Beyond Relationships: Defining Ourselves from Within


The Power of Fairy Tales and the Collective Unconscious

Fairy tales have always held a potent place in the human psyche. They’re more than stories for children—they’re symbolic maps of the soul, drawn from the collective unconscious and rich with archetypal wisdom. As Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology, suggested, myths and fairy tales reveal the universal patterns of the human experience. They reflect our hidden fears, unmet desires, unspoken longings, and the transformative potential of the inner journey.

Take the classic tale of The Frog Prince. On the surface, it seems like a story about a spoiled princess and a magical transformation. But underneath, it speaks to the deeper psychological process of shadow integration. The frog—ugly, rejected, and undesirable—symbolizes the parts of ourselves we avoid or deny. When the princess finds the courage to engage with what repels her, transformation occurs. The frog becomes a prince.

This isn’t just a metaphor for romantic love—it’s a powerful symbol of the alchemical process that happens when we embrace our own shadow. When we make space for what we’ve cast aside—shame, insecurity, rage, fear—we open the door to true inner sovereignty. We become more whole, more authentic, and more capable of deep, conscious love.

The Shadow in Relationships: What We Refuse to See

Jung described the shadow as the unconscious aspects of ourselves that we suppress—our fears, traumas, desires, and even untapped gifts. Most of us enter relationships with the hope of finding love, security, and purpose. That longing is deeply human. But it also comes with a shadow.

Often, we unconsciously look for someone to complete us—to soothe our wounds, regulate our nervous system, or rescue us from our inner emptiness. And when we do this, we place an impossible burden on the other. No one can fulfill the needs we haven't yet claimed as our own.

This is where so many relationships begin to unravel. We project our unmet needs onto our partner, expecting them to behave like the parent we never had, the savior we longed for, or the mirror we want to see ourselves in. Eventually, disappointment sets in. We blame, withdraw, seek excitement elsewhere, or sabotage what was once meaningful—through affairs, emotional shutdown, or impulsive exits.

But the core issue is rarely just the relationship itself. It’s the unexamined parts of ourselves we’ve been unwilling to meet.

Kissing the Inner Frog: A Path to Inner Transformation

Real transformation begins when we stop trying to find wholeness through another—and instead turn inward. When we “kiss the frog” within, we start reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve abandoned. We learn to sit with our loneliness instead of avoiding it. We confront our feelings of unworthiness without demanding constant validation. We take responsibility for our emotional world.

This kind of inner work—what some call shadow work, inner alchemy, or embodied transformation—is not always comfortable, but it is liberating. It allows us to meet ourselves fully and to show up in relationship not from need, but from wholeness.

The most empowering relationships are not those that complete us, but those that reflect our wholeness back to us. When we stop defining ourselves by who we’re with and start nurturing the relationship we have with our own inner world, we shift out of projection and into presence. We move from co-dependency into inter-dependence.

Key Takeaways for Conscious, Embodied Relationship:

• Embrace the parts of yourself you’ve pushed away—your “inner frog.”
• Tend to your inner world: your shadows, unmet needs, and desires.
• Let go of the belief that love from another will make you whole.
• Break the cycle of projection in relationships.
• Create partnerships rooted in presence, responsibility, and mutual growth.

Challenge of the Week:

Take a moment to slow down and tune in.

• What part of you is quietly calling for your recognition—longing to be seen, acknowledged, and met with presence?
• What aspect of you is still waiting for your kiss—of acceptance, of tenderness, of love?
• This week, instead of seeking answers outside, turn inward. The real transformation often begins in the places we’ve been avoiding.

I’d love to hear how this lands for you. You can share your reflections with me and send a message if something moved inside you.

With love and presence,

Eva